Oatmeal Man

From the mind of a teenaged Chad Lubrecht

In the kitchen of a completely ordinary suburban home, owned by a completely ordinary middle class family, Johnny, a completely normal 8 year old was eating breakfast.

"But Mom!" he yelled. "I hate oatmeal."

"Eat your breakfast, honey," His completely normal mother said, "It's good for you."

Indeed, the oatmeal's box assured Mom that each serving of "Completely Ordinary" brand oatmeal provided 100% of the Recommended Daily Allowance of 18 essential vitamins and minerals

"I've got to finish doing my hair, Johnny. You be a good boy and finish your cereal." Mom said as she walked out of the kitchen.

"Blech," said Johnny

With his Mom gone. Johnny had the perfect idea on how to finish his breakfast. He took the bowl and dumped it right into the dog's bowl.

"I'm done, Mom!!! I'm going down to the park." called Johnny as he ran out the front door.

Rex, the dog, trotted into the kitchen and sniffed at his bowl.

His specially-formulated, high protein, vegetarian Active Mutt dog food, for high energy dogs was burried under a mound of sloppy oatmeal.

Cautiously Rex took a bite of the mixture, then quickly shooks his head, spraying the oatmeal against the wall, and running back downstairs

The remaining oatmeal sat there, slowly seeping into the dogfood.

Soon a strange chemical reaction began to take place between the high-protein dogfood and the special supervitamins in the oatmeal.

"Burble," went the oatmeal.

The mixture began to bubble more violently, untily a lumpy form began to rise out of the middle.

The form developed an arm, and then another. Then a head appeared with a crude face.

The face opened its mouth, and with a triumphant voice called out.


Jimmy, Johnny's baby brother had mushed his hand into the center of the dogfood bowl.

Crawling out of the kitchen, Jimmy stuffed a whole fistfull of oatmeal into his mouth, gurgling happily.

Join us next week, for what is probably not another adventure of.....

Oatmeal Man!!!